as of right now, i'm studying for a midterm and somewhat stressed out.
but the thought that keeps recurring in my mind is:

only one more week,
and then i'm off to see the world!

quite literally.

if all goes to plan, i'll have stepped foot in 4 continents this year:
north america - obviously
central america - not exactly a continent, but close enough to south america that i'll count it as one
asia
australia - i love that australia is a continent on its own

<3 <3 <3

i am sooo excited for a break from school and for the chance to finally travel!
i LOVE traveling, and if it weren't for my consistently getting sick during my travels, i could probably do it non-stop for the rest of my life.

the past

i've been reading my past xanga entries... i was originally just trying to look for a specific entry that had some inspirational things in it, but i began reading little by little.

it's embarassing as hell, yes.
but it's also honest.
and honesty isn't necessarily that's been coming through my entries throughout college.

i'm not sure why this is.
maybe it's because i'm more censored now. i know the internet is a tool open for everyone to use.. and that inevitably translates into "everyone" having the ability to read what i've written.

but let's back to the basics now.

i'm looking for inspiration.
i'm looking to be my "free-spirited" self.
i'm looking for happiness.
i'm looking to become a better person.

i'm also listening to justin bieber's "one time". just thought i'd add that in to embarass myself further ;]

can you imagine living in a world without music?
i am so thankful to have the musical background i do...
though i hated piano--probably throughout all 10 years i took lessons--it's certainly something i've come back to. and flute, of course, is something i love playing (haven't played it for a couple of years unfortunately). strangely, though, the "instruments" i am really drawn to are percussion and vocal...and electronic music.
i think i've found that much of my mood and life revolves around music and periods of music. i go steadily through my phases, but i always come back to techno and anything with an electronic music base. the thing is...music really does move me. if i close my eyes, it just lifts my spirit, lights up my face, and honestly feels as though i am physically being moved through space, floating along gently with the waves of sound. alternatively, it can cause the sensation that sound is bursting out of me..through my head, hands, and feet...as if it's shooting out like beams of light. i realize this makes me sound crazy...but at this instant i really don't care. i'm wrapped up  in my ridiculously sound-driven world, well-equipped with the first speakers i've owned during college. how the fuck i survived all these years without speakers, i have no idea.

ok but seriously, when i hit upon a song that makes me feel like sounds in the form of beams of light are shooting out from my body, i feel like i have just taken the biggest dose of happiness and euphoria in the world. i expect this is what it probably feels like to be on e. at those moments, i thank g-d for being so blessed to have such a wonderful life.

does anyone else ever experience a love for life that intense (without drugs, of course)?

whoooooooo!

<3

p.s. this is an entry from 9/9/2004:

" tall iced white chocolate mocha, please, " i requested.

" oh ! " i exclaimed, " one more thing. would i have to pay if i wanted this,  [ holds up a starbucks gift card ] but with no money on it ? " i questioned shyly.

" nah. don`t worry about it, " he answered with a warm smile.

with a delighted laugh i thanked him.

" but will you do me a favor ? " he inquired.

apprehensively, i replied " ... yes ..? "

his smile grew `nd he pleasantly commented, " promise to alwaiiz keep that beautiful smile "

>> i think i've more-or-less kept my smile...and i'm thankful life hasn't filled me with cynicsm to remove it.

at a loss

I've been fairly sick lately.. exhausted, runny nose, sore throat, the beginnings of a cough, lack of ability to breathe, etc. etc.

Basically, this translates into me staying at home for most hours of the day, and while at home, using my time to read blogs (tons of blogs)...and also news articles. News articles specifically detailing the events that are happening in Haiti.

If you haven't heard yet (and who hasn't?) there was a 7.0 earthquake in Haiti this past Tuesday. For a country that is already ravaged with poverty, lacks a good infrastructure and is barely getting by on medical supplies, it almost seems like this could hardly happen in a worse place.

So I've donated to the American Red Cross, as millions of others have...but it just doesn't seem like enough. Reading the stories and seeing the pictures of children elementary-school-aged looking so courageous, and yet incredibly hopeless, is heartbreaking. I know I've lived through some other catastrophic news headlines (think Hurricane Katrina and the tsunami in Thailand), but somehow the reality and gravity of the situations never hit me the way it has for this one. Maybe it's just because I'm older now--I'm more able to understand the meaning of mortality... Maybe it's because of what happened this summer that helps me realize this concept. Whatever it is though, I'm definitely feeling it...and I'm not quite sure how I should deal with my feelings.

Honestly, tears come to my eyes reading story after story. For the record, the influence of journalists had never dawned on me before this incident either. Now, after causing a wave of emotions to wash over me through their words, I am in awe of their ability to depict a situation in a way that can reach readers.

I'm not quite sure what I'm trying to get at with this.. I just have this feeling that I am helpless... I want to DO something. I want to go over there and help. They're lacking food, water, blankets, medical supplies, and the list goes on. People that have been pulled out from under tons of concrete are dying simply because of the lack of resources. This, to me, is absolutely devastating! Can you imagine surviving 4 days buried under tons of concrete, surrounded by dead bodies...and then miraculously lifted out...only to die from lack of medical attention or resources? I know I'm just an undergraduate student with no healthcare training, but I have this huge urge to fly over there and help look after the survivors...comfort crying children...look for those still buried alive...

credit: SHAUL SCHWARZ/REPORTAGE FOR CNN

Those in Haiti will be in my prayers.

<3

plugging back in

ok, so i've decided to try to start blogging more often (as part of my new year's resolutions).

School has started again and it's interesting to realize that this very well may be my last quarter here at UCSD.

*note: I am going to make a conscious effort to write with proper capitalization this year...although I honestly hate how it looks.

For those who do not know (or have simply forgotten), I am graduating at the end of winter quarter (i.e. in approximately 10 weeks). This means I will have finally attained my bachelors of science in biochemistry...in the chemistry department (for which i haven't taken a single class since winter quarter of last year) as well as my biology minor (added, entirely due to the fact that there are so many biology requirements for pharmacy schools it allows me to get a minor in the subject). This also means that I will have successfully completed a program concentration in both humanities and social sciences--nothing past average as it is simply the requirement for Warren College. I will have taken a very large range of classes: anywhere from physics and math to teaching to gospel choir, Indian instruments (gonna learn how to drum on the tabla!), and ballet. Astoundingly (in my opinion), I will have also successfully completed 10 lab classes breaking down into 1 physics, 2 biology, and 7 chemistry labs. This, I think, is rather insane (and worthy of much praise). This probably also translates into approximately 45 different lab reports.

Those are my UCSD statistics.

One class I never got around to taking at UCSD is photography. Somehow it just never seemed to work out--either because of my schedule or the incredibly horrific ratings for the professor that specific quarter. This is undoubtedly unfortunate as photography is definitely something I want to get better at, and some good old fashion instruction would certainly be helpful. (Furthermore, though I will have attended undergraduate school for over 4 years, I still have yet to learn how to read a textbook...or an instruction manual. Somehow, they just can't hold my interest the way a thick novel, with incredibly small print, can. *shrugs)

As I contemplate my last few weeks here in SD, I'm beginning to plan my travels for the next few months before I go on to tackling pharmacy school (and for the purposes of keeping this thing up to date, I still haven't decided where to go to pharmacy school: UOP or USC. Opinions?) I'm planning on going back to Honduras during spring break to do the public health brigade. After returning, the plan is to pack all my SD things up (in a matter of 5 days or less), then jump on a plan to Australia, where I will spend exactly a month playing on the very accessible beach on the Gold Coast, taking a short trip to Sydney and the Great Barrier Reef, and flying over to New Zealand for a bit. It should be freakin' amazing and I honestly get all tingly with excitement thinking about it.

After Australia, it's back to the USA for a few weeks, in which time I will celebrate my Grandpa's 80th birthday, perhaps attend a bridal shower in Livermore, do a fitting for my bridesmaid dress, and then fly to Vancouver, Canada for my cousin's wedding, which should be fantastic, by the way, as most of my cousins should be there (and I love cousins!)

Then there is the possibility that some of the family will go on a cruise to Alaska. It seems like this part of the plans may fall through for me as neither of my parents want to go, and I'm not too keen on going if they're not going. Is that surprising that I don't want to go to something just b/c my parents won't be there? I spend so much time trying to not have to move back home, but when faced with a cruise ship by my (somewhat) lonesome, I'd rather go only if my parents (one or the other, at least) is there... Noteworthy, though, is the fact that I do get sea sick and I'm not very excited about being on a boat for a week. I would much rather do a land trip.

Anyway, in the case that the Alaska thing doesn't happen (which would really only last until a week into June), I would either go back home or to SD. In any case, things would only be chill until mid June, when the Sis gets outta school and at which point we may (or may not) get on a flight to Niagara Falls--probably a week vacation thing. Then it would be back to CA for a good bit of time, some of which will be spent in Livermore for my roommate's wedding! Another couple of weeks later, and I'll once again be on a flight, and this time with the Boy and a couple of his friends to Japan.

And finally, I would be back to CA for good (mid-August)... for pharmacy school...wherever in the state that might be (seriously, it could be as south as SD, or as north as Stockton).

And that is my very long-winded plan for the next year.

Next time I'll try to write about what's going on now: doctors appointments, exercising, school, etc.

much love and peace.
<3

three out of three.
*glee.

<3